Can I just vent for a minute? I'm feeling overwhelmed, and not with the cancer stuff. This week has been/will be crazy and it's only Tuesday. I have a meeting at school tomorrow during the morning that will put me out of my room for at least an hour. Tomorrow after school I'm getting re-certified in CPR. Thursday morning I'm having blood drawn and then I have a doctor's appointment. Thursday afternoon I'm being observed by my principal. Not to mention Friday chemo and Monday chemo recovery which will require more sub plans to be written.
Anticipating and planning for all of this has made me exhausted already. I feel like actually going through all of this won't be as exhausting. I'm trying to be as organized as possible so that every little bit of the plans gets done. I'm trying to be proactive. Just as soon as I get this post written. Ahem.
Okay, enough with my schedule. There have been other things on my mind lately as I approach the end of my treatment stint. I've been thinking about what kind of "legacy" I want to leave on this whole experience. What have I learned, that I can pass on to others? What can I do to help others who will go through the same adventure?
Before cancer, I thought that I was immune to the whole thing. There is very little history of cancer in my family. And really, besides some heart issues, there's not a whole lot that I thought was worrisome. Before cancer, I was in relatively good health, ate healthy foods most of the time, and tried to get some regular exercise. At the same time I thought I was immune, I also gave a sigh of relief that it wasn't me when someone would tell me about a friend or family member who had cancer.
I did notice that a lot of people who have had cancer do something "for the cause". Some people have started foundations. Others have become spokespeople
for research. Some people have written books about diets that focus on
staying healthy and cancer-free after treatment. Others have raised money for foundations or research.
I almost feel pressured to find the lesson in this whole thing, and to think about a way that I can do something "for the cause". Although, I'm not sure what that something is. I've written about the lesson that someone has been trying to teach me about letting go, not sweating the small stuff, and quitting thinking I can control everything. Oh, and did I mention the lesson about letting people help? And the lesson about the importance of friends and family and their support?
So the lessons have been presented, and some have been learned better than others. Some are a work in progress. Some may take a lot longer to learn.
I've been thinking about two things that I would like to do in response to this experience. One is that I would like more people, especially primary physicians, to know about all of the symptoms of Hodgkin's, specifically the alcohol-related one I experienced. I was lucky that one of my tumors eventually grew out of my chest and led to my diagnosis. What if it hadn't? Would I still be going along drinking alcohol, experiencing the burning feeling in my shoulder and arm, thinking it was nothing? Who knows. Maybe I would eventually get some more "typical" symptoms that would lead me to go get things checked out. But by then the cancer could've advanced even further.
Another thing that I would like to suggest or even have a part in doing is a sort of program for linking up people who have gone through treatment with people who are currently going through treatment. Those people could offer one-to-one support either in person or over the phone or computer. Yes, there are support groups and websites and online support boards, but I think a person who has already gone through what you have gone through and who is available would be great. That person could possibly come to chemo occasionally to check in, and answer any questions that should come up.
Just some thoughts. Some of many as I continue to feel my way through this craziness.
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