Veering away from the cancer thing. As if there wasn't enough on our plates of challenges in 2012, my brother-in-law Phil passed away on December 28th. (Many of you had heard my mantra, "2012 can kiss my ass." It gained even more meaning when Phil passed away.)
We honored Phil yesterday at his memorial service. There were people who read poems, told funny stories, and reminisced about the great person he was. His brothers (fraternity and family), sister-in-law, and sister all told us about times they spent with him. A theme was woven through all of their eulogies. Phil was a person who lived in the moment, loved meeting and keeping friends, and loved for his people to have great experiences and great times.
Phil was young when he died. 52. Too young. He left behind a wife and two sons (14 and 16) and a ton of family and friends, many of whom packed themselves into the funeral home for the service. His health wasn't the best in the past few years, but the sad part is that in recent weeks he seemed like he was trying to turn his bad health around. He had a pace maker put in a couple months ago, got a machine to help with his sleep apnea, and had a knee replacement a little over a week before he died.
In the midst of his bad health, he was still concerned about those around him. Whenever I would see him after I was diagnosed with cancer, he always asked me how I was feeling. Even on the day his dad died and I gave him a hug, he said, "Now we have to worry about getting you better."
The day before his memorial, on New Year's Day, I went for a walk by myself in the woods. We still have a lot of snow around, so it was a beautiful walk through snow-covered trees with the sun shining through. I decided to wear my iPod on this walk because I wanted some distraction from my thoughts that have been pinballing around in my head for days. I set the songs on my iPod on "shuffle", but it seemed like the iPod intuitively knew what I needed to hear. The first song that came on was "Awake My Soul" by Mumford and Sons. The title alone made me think about Phil and my father-in-law Jerry. Then these lyrics really hit home:
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life
Awake my soul
"Where you invest your love, you invest your life." A mantra that could have been one of Phil's. His life was about people and experiences, and he was always part of or creating a good time for others. The fact that music made me think about him is no coincidence, either. He always had music playing in the house or car, and loved to go hear live music.
As I continued my walk, more songs came on my iPod that reminded me of Phil or Jerry, or gave me some perspective about the year we left behind, or the year that lies ahead.
On the ride home from the memorial service last night, the radio in my car continued to play songs whose titles or lyrics reminded me of Phil. I know again it was coincidental, but some of the songs almost seemed eerie with their connections. Like the lyrics in "We Are Alive" by Bruce Springsteen:
We are alive
Oh, and though we lie alone here in the dark
Our souls will rise to carry the fire and light the spark
To fight shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart
The lyrics may seem a bit morbid, as they are about people "talking" from their graves. But I think that they are true in Phil's case. He will continue to be carried by us in our hearts and through the people he has touched. This song also reminded me of a Bruce Springsteen concert that we went to in Detroit. Stein was living with Phil and his wife at the time. It may have been the first time I met them when we stopped by their house on the way to the concert. Phil was so excited that we were going to see Bruce live, and I remember him saying goodbye to us with a hearty, "Have a GREAT time, guys."
So we go into 2013 with heavy hearts from our losses, but with hope for the new start and good things the new year has in store for us. Here's to you, Phil. May the music carry us through these hard times, remind us of the good times spent with you, and help us to keep in mind that it's the people and experiences that matter. Always.
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