Chemo #4. 1/3 of the way done! I think about countdowns this way. I think in fractional terms (although I was never good at fractions), and then I think about how many of those fractions I still need to do. So, two more thirds, and I'll be done. I can do it, not that I really have a choice.
So back to yesterday. Well, actually, I have to go back to Thursday. I was at school, standing on a chair so I could reach some stuff on a shelf. As I was sorting through the stuff, a grey shadow came over the side of my right eye. I blinked a couple times to try to clear it, but it didn't go away. Two thoughts ran through my head: Am I going to faint? and Am I going blind? I decided it was best to get down from the chair. I sat down and realized that I wasn't going to faint. Eventually the shadow got smaller, so I also realized I wasn't going blind. What was left was a small shadow/spot of black at the top left part of my eye.
So of course I consulted Dr. Google. Everything from migraines to detached retinas came up as search results. I decided to call my oncologist. Maybe it was chemo related. After waiting a while for the call back, I called again. This time, they called back pretty quickly. The nurse from the office said, "Are you calling from work? Because the doctor thinks that you just need to go home and rest. You're working too hard." Little did she know my student teacher had his first solo week, so I wasn't working that hard. But, I heeded her advice and went home. I rested all afternoon, but still had the spot when I got up.
My sister Mickey (Hi, Mick!) came that night so she could go to chemo with Stein and me the next day. We caught up a little and then went to bed. The next morning, I woke up and the spot was still there. I was told by the nurse the day before that I should inform the clinic if it was still there the next day. I got my blood drawn as planned, then went up to the clinic and talked to the nurse. She said it was probably ok to go ahead with chemo, but she would consult one of the doctors (mine was on vacation).
I got called into chemo (same room, same nurse!) and sat down in the chair. As we were just getting settled, the nurse from the clinic came in and said they got me a STAT appointment at the Eye Center (add another building to the list!) and I was to go right over there. We got over there around 9:15 and was told that my appointment was at 10:45. So much for STAT! I wasn't called in until 11:15, and then endured a battery of eye tests, including dilation of my pupils. At the end of the 3 1/2 hours, they said they couldn't find anything abnormal, but wanted me to go to a neuro-opthamologist on Friday. Can't have a week go by without seeing a doctor, I guess.
Needless to say, we got back to the Cancer Center late. I told the nurse at the clinic that they couldn't find anything, so I could go on with the chemo, right? She had to consult the doctor again, and then came out and said my blood numbers were low, so I couldn't have the chemo. I know it sounds crazy, but I almost started crying. I didn't want to have to postpone the treatment. I didn't want to have to delay my whole schedule. I'm supposed to be done at the end of March, and by golly, I will be done at the end of March. (Remember losing that control thing? Ahem.) Anyway, the doctor came out and said my white blood cell count was the same as the last time, and the time before that. He asked how I was feeling (just like last time except for the eye issue) and said that it was okay to go ahead with the chemo.
So in to the room I went (same room, different nurse) and Mickey and I settled in. Stein brought us some lunch (Thanks, Stein) and we kept ourselves busy for the next 3 hours. We were out of there at 5:30, and home by 5:45. Mickey dropped me off at home and went to the store to buy stuff to cook for dinner (Thanks again, Mick!). I slept a little on the couch, and then moved up to bed where I had a dinner of Cheez-Its (Thanks, Anne!) and went to bed for the night. I slept pretty well, but still had the small spot in my eye when I woke up. It hasn't gotten worse, just annoying.
I told Stein and Mickey that someone is again telling me to let go and slow down. This stuff is out of my control, and I need to learn to just take it as it is and go with it. A lesson to be learned for sure. Another lesson I learned yesterday as I was getting so annoyed with the circus the day became: I'm lucky. As I've said before, this sucks that I have this and have to go through it, but it could be worse. There was a woman in the chair next to me who was in her chair before I got there, and still there when I left. She was also packing up medicines to take home because she will have to be on a pump for 48 more hours once she got home. The nurse who administered my chemo told me about a friend she was going to visit whose husband just died of lung cancer.
I need to be thankful and accept that my lesson will have ups and downs and maybe a little waiting along the way, but I'm going to be okay at the end.
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